F A M I L Y
Hold them tight, cherish the moments, because you just never know.
This photo is missing a key player from it. The one that stood at the helm to navigate our course and he was the one who knew where to drop the anchor that steadied us in a safe harbor.
Honestly, he was my grounding person. I am the dreamer, the planner, the visionary, the creative force, the spontaneous let's go girl. And he was my, (what I often called), dream squasher. Haha. He brought all the practical into any situation that presented itself. "Okay Kim, so "HOW" are we going to do that?" At the time I didn't give the process the respect it deserved. I need that in my life to help me look at both sides of the same coin.
I miss that.
I miss him.
We all do.
There is SO MUCH that has changed + there is SO MUCH that we miss. There is SO MUCH that we have processed + SO MUCH MORE to work through. We have experienced quite the trauma during the process of fighting to lose, and in the defeat of cancer, we have been left with a thick residual of heavy grief.
BUT we have learned SO MUCH.
This is the gold in the story. This is where God redeems the broken. He doesn't rewrite stories, he adds on to them... bringing new strength, growth, or light in response to what happened. We can count on this. He never leaves us where we are at, He always has things to show us and places to take us. We just can't let ourselves lose sight of him in the process. EVEN IF it means just barely cracking one eye open-enough to squint in his direction. Or one cracky whisper of "You're here, right God? I'm not alone, even though every ounce of me feels like it."
"Yes baby girl, I'm right here. I haven't taken my eye off of you for one single second. I love you so much + I know how deeply you are hurting. Someday you'll be able to walk again... for now just find rest in the knowledge I am here + I am fighting for you."
That right there is what has carried me to this point. Knowing my God is here, and true to his word. He will never leave me and never forsake me... and I have just got to believe that because my, what I thought was “FOREVER LOVE” did leave me. Not by his own doing but never the less, he is gone. And that messes with a girl's mind + heart on all sorts of levels.
I have SO MUCH MORE to say on this. But for now I just wanted to stop on in with a quick update and encourage anyone who is suffering immense loss. YOU AREN'T ALONE... EVER. Not even in your darkest nights. YOU are being fought for and guess what... he already won! I pray you can find some peace and some rest in that.
YOU are loved,
