Unfelt Grief | How to Honor Your Sadness + Process Through It

Pain, it’s natural for us to want to avoid it, right? Our built in avoidance techniques shift into gear before we even recognize them. This leads us to a place of trapped emotions. These emotions can wreak havoc in our mind and bodies.

I don’t know what events lead you here. But for me the alarms signals began blaring after I lost my husband. I had been through a lot of loss + hardship prior to. Unfortunately, I thought I was handling the past events fine. As I have been learning new ways to process my sadness and recognize triggers old stuff has emerged as well. My body was keeping the score.

So in this post I want to WELCOME YOU to a simple practice of honoring your sadness. Helping you to see that you don’t need to be afraid of it or press it down. I want you to have freedom from the fear of sadness leaking out or erupting by practicing ways to welcome it. With the practice of holding sadness sessions, by allowing it and moving it through, it will help release a lot of the pressure of the unexpected outbursts. Oh, triggers will still bring some tears but they may not have the same energy behind them and you will know what helps you to move through it. This really helps, truly.

You want to start by creating a safe space and protected time. Someplace you feel comfortable and won’t be easily interrupted. You may want music playing, essential oils diffusing, a candle lit, a cozy blanket, or the fresh air with grass underneath you. Just find space somewhere that you feel safe enough.

The next thing I do is grab some scriptures and read them asking God for his clarity and truth to be present as I begin to feel and process. I invite Him into the space with me. This reminds me that I am NOT ALONE, He is leading.

Then I grab an essential oil and put a drop in the palm of my hand and rub my palms together. While my brain is preparing to settle into the memories or situation I am doing my deep breathing. In through my nose for 5 seconds, exhale through my nose for 7-11 seconds. and repeat, and repeat, and repeat. Eventually I drop my hands, my eyes are closed and tears are streaming. (Keep the tissue close by and make sure the oils aren’t on your finger tips for the tear wipes.)

Often during this time Jesus arrives on the scene and shows me something new about it. Not always, but often. When that I like to journal down the notes.

This process seems simple enough, doesn’t it? Just wait until you make a commitment to start practicing this and you will see how powerful it is. God is a creative God and as you begin trying this He will show you new things to try and do in response.

The goal of this isn’t to circle and spin in one thought, it is to learn how to move through them. These hurts are stored in our memory banks but how we respond to them makes a big difference in how we show up in the world. If you feel stuck you may need professional help to learn some new techniques or skills. Don’t be afraid of that either. Seeking help is one of the bravest things you can do and it is such a terrific reminder that you are not in this alone. People care and want to help you!

I am also listing oils specifically helpful for processing sadness. These essential oils can do a multitude of things but today I am sharing a list of them for emotional support with sadness. Breathe is exceptionally good for this particular practice as it opens the airways and clears thinking.

• Hope essential oil blend

• Rose essential oil

• Console essential oil blend

• Citrus Bliss essential oil blend

• Ylang Ylang essential oil

• Siberian fir essential oil

• Peppermint essential oil

• Eucalyptus essential oil

These are terrific natural options for helping your mind to relax, release, feel and move through.

I’m praying for you and your process. I know God is with you in this, and so am I.

Grief. Stress and Cortisol: the Physical Weight of Grief

Grief is a bugger. It can take a serious toll. I think when we lose a loved one we all expect our minds to be deeply troubled and overwhelmed, our bodies to feel heavy, as well as our hearts hurting. And by heart, I mean the one that is not physically pumping blood but more of an identifiable place within us that we store up our treasures.

But the fact is, that grief doesn’t just impact our thought or emotional life. Grief deeply impacts our entire being; our blood-pumping heart as well as the rest of our body. Our minds + bodies get pretty darn stressed in the wake of loss . We have some pretty great systems in place to help us cope but they certainly tucker out over time.

And here is the deal… grief is rarely, if ever, short-term. So, our bodies get stressed and just can’t handle the load well… our stress alarms begin to get uber-sensitive and go off haphazardly. With each ringing alarm, our poor nerves get frazzled and tattered. Can you feel it? Do you relate?

IF so, how many times a day does your stress alarm go off irrationally? Do you get startled at the slightest thing?

Grief has an array of effects on our body but a very common one is an overactive fight or flight response. I know this is still an active problem for me.
Acute stress unresolved can quickly become chronic stress. It’s important to learn some calming and restorative techniques that can help you deal with it as it hits.

I have a list of really great natural options. They differ depending on the setting. If I am out and about my response looks a lot different than if I am at home where I have privacy.

But my #1 quick go-to is grabbing a mint or citrus essential oil bottle, cracking the cap off and inhaling the thing for 1-2 minutes. BIG DEEP breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth help me to slow down my brain enough to talk to God about what I am facing - even if I can only get out “Help me, God.”

The other thing that happens in that moment is the essential oils begin to work with my brain at processing those feelings while helping my nerves to calm down. Just smelling them accomplishes this.

This is my quick + easy approach in an emergency situation. I do have a particular process I go through to help me work through my grief on a deeper level. I have shared some of it in the Hope for the Grieving Heart self-guided digital workbook. It’s available in our store.

One thing I am sure of, it is REALLY important to fund your way to work through it and process it. Stuffing, or avoiding will not work long-term. Your body really does keep the score.

If you need more help discovering what works for you make sure and check out my book or pop over to our instagram account. We have a lot more resources coming your way.

My one prayer for every single person wiggling their way through grief is this, that you truly feel Jesus meeting you in the thick of it. That you have energy enough to look for him and listen. He has the sweetest way of meeting you in the depths and tending to your broken heart. Other things are needed but they don’t amount to much without him.

Healing through grief isn’t easy but it is SO WORTH IT!

Banana Tea: A natural mood + sleep boosting recipe.

Do you struggle with sleep much? I know for me sleep is currently off + on. Throughout Dave’s cancer + following his death my sleep was non-existent. So, I am still working hard to recover from all of that deprivation. It’s so hard on the body. This Banana Tea though! Cheap, easy + about as natural as you can get.

You may have heard it said before that banana peel contains the most nutrient-dense part of the fruit. But, who really wants to eat a banana peel? I don’t know, maybe someone out there has a good recipe for ingesting it. If so, please share!

This tea, however, gets you the nutrients without having to chew your way through a peel. I think it is a SPECTACULAR option to be able to sip your way towards a sounder slumber + happier mood. Tea just sounds comforting but then add in the health benefits.

Why is it that bananas help? Potassium + magnesium baby, they are a HUGE help when it comes to equipping your body, and bananas are an amazing natural source for these minerals. The peels also contain tryptophan which naturally produces serotonin + melatonin in our bodies. What?!?

Yep. This may be the cheapest + most natural option for helping you catch some solid wink eye. Let’s not stop there, serotonin is the key hormone that stabilized our moods, it gives us feelings of well-being. Can even boost feelings of happiness! and who doesn’t need a little extra dose of that these days?

Here is the recipe:

• 1 rinsed organic banana*

• cut ends of banana off

• boil 2-3 cups water

• place banana in boiling water

• simmer for 10 minutes

• strain + serve

• can add a sprinkle of cinnamon

• I add a drop of vanilla

• *note: for low glycemic just use peel and omit the fruit.

YUM!
Tell me you don’t have a list of five people that immediately come to mind who could use this Hope tip.

Let me know if you try this + What you think. Cheers to a healthier you!