Do you trust me? The repeated question that changed my grief journey.

The other day I was sitting rather mindlessly allowing my thoughts to move with ease bouncing back and forth through memories and my current day situation. This relaxed state of mind practice seems quite natural to most but non-existent to many who are grieving. To allow the grieving mind to drift is to consider the thought of physically jumping into a boxing ring. You don’t know what thought will take that swing that leads to a knockout. The fact I was free to relax my thinking and coast back to review the lived-out chapters showed I was making progress.

As I sat there seeing the chapters of life without Dave flipping before me God revealed a piece of His beautiful offering that had helped provide me with shelter in the midst of the pelting grief storm. It was a question that was posed to me over, and over, and over, and over, and over, again and again. A question of weighted words that wouldn’t make space for a flippant answer. It was a question pointed like a magnifying scope looking straight to the core of my entire being.

“Do you trust me?” -Jesus

You see, my body and mind took many different forms in my grief: from laid out flat sleeping to a curled-up sobbing fetal position. From arms waving in the air praising, to my head resting on my Bible soaking. From scuffing my feet through the red soil of Africa serving, to lounging at my friend’s cabin receiving. From voraciously studying and creating in order to provide my way, to trying to relax just enough to find calm in my racing heart with solitude and rest.

I was scared in the face of the unknown and I was doing everything I knew I should to find my way and make my path straight. Until I couldn’t, and then I would run like crazy and try to escape the pain. Until I realized the pain follows you because it is part of you, it dwells within. There is no escaping it. So, back to creating. Back to learning. Back to doing. Back to… you name it.

BUT THROUGHOUT.

This is the part that matters most. This is the plumbline of truth that keeps our foundation level when we build upon it. That repeated question asked throughout the mayhem of my stability-building attempts: “Do YOU trust ME?” -Jesus?

The question would often catch me off-guard, stop me in my tracks, and take my heaving breath away from me. My vision would narrow in on Him, eyes locking, nerves settling, worries decreasing, fear subsiding, grounding found. “YES.” “I trust YOU, Jesus.”

“I question this world and the people in it, myself included. But I trust you yesterday, today, and forever.” Honestly. In the wake of the storms, my answer is still YES. More now than ever. and with that trust, the next step comes a little easier. Jesus is indeed trustworthy even in the unknown and in the broken.

I could write five chapters on this but for now, I want to keep it to this next point: When the unknown of your future gets loud or feels shakey, there is a way through it. This pattern of a repeated trust statement changes things. The key is that you have to believe it. You have to envision a very real Jesus holding your hand, scooping you up, leading the way, walking alongside, gazing into your eyes, and seeing the very core of your being. He knows you, He loves you, and every single thing about you matters to Him. He has a plan for you and it is a really good one.

Not despite the broken but because of it.

Do you trust Him?

Unfelt Grief | How to Honor Your Sadness + Process Through It

Pain, it’s natural for us to want to avoid it, right? Our built in avoidance techniques shift into gear before we even recognize them. This leads us to a place of trapped emotions. These emotions can wreak havoc in our mind and bodies.

I don’t know what events lead you here. But for me the alarms signals began blaring after I lost my husband. I had been through a lot of loss + hardship prior to. Unfortunately, I thought I was handling the past events fine. As I have been learning new ways to process my sadness and recognize triggers old stuff has emerged as well. My body was keeping the score.

So in this post I want to WELCOME YOU to a simple practice of honoring your sadness. Helping you to see that you don’t need to be afraid of it or press it down. I want you to have freedom from the fear of sadness leaking out or erupting by practicing ways to welcome it. With the practice of holding sadness sessions, by allowing it and moving it through, it will help release a lot of the pressure of the unexpected outbursts. Oh, triggers will still bring some tears but they may not have the same energy behind them and you will know what helps you to move through it. This really helps, truly.

You want to start by creating a safe space and protected time. Someplace you feel comfortable and won’t be easily interrupted. You may want music playing, essential oils diffusing, a candle lit, a cozy blanket, or the fresh air with grass underneath you. Just find space somewhere that you feel safe enough.

The next thing I do is grab some scriptures and read them asking God for his clarity and truth to be present as I begin to feel and process. I invite Him into the space with me. This reminds me that I am NOT ALONE, He is leading.

Then I grab an essential oil and put a drop in the palm of my hand and rub my palms together. While my brain is preparing to settle into the memories or situation I am doing my deep breathing. In through my nose for 5 seconds, exhale through my nose for 7-11 seconds. and repeat, and repeat, and repeat. Eventually I drop my hands, my eyes are closed and tears are streaming. (Keep the tissue close by and make sure the oils aren’t on your finger tips for the tear wipes.)

Often during this time Jesus arrives on the scene and shows me something new about it. Not always, but often. When that I like to journal down the notes.

This process seems simple enough, doesn’t it? Just wait until you make a commitment to start practicing this and you will see how powerful it is. God is a creative God and as you begin trying this He will show you new things to try and do in response.

The goal of this isn’t to circle and spin in one thought, it is to learn how to move through them. These hurts are stored in our memory banks but how we respond to them makes a big difference in how we show up in the world. If you feel stuck you may need professional help to learn some new techniques or skills. Don’t be afraid of that either. Seeking help is one of the bravest things you can do and it is such a terrific reminder that you are not in this alone. People care and want to help you!

I am also listing oils specifically helpful for processing sadness. These essential oils can do a multitude of things but today I am sharing a list of them for emotional support with sadness. Breathe is exceptionally good for this particular practice as it opens the airways and clears thinking.

• Hope essential oil blend

• Rose essential oil

• Console essential oil blend

• Citrus Bliss essential oil blend

• Ylang Ylang essential oil

• Siberian fir essential oil

• Peppermint essential oil

• Eucalyptus essential oil

These are terrific natural options for helping your mind to relax, release, feel and move through.

I’m praying for you and your process. I know God is with you in this, and so am I.

Banana Tea: A natural mood + sleep boosting recipe.

Do you struggle with sleep much? I know for me sleep is currently off + on. Throughout Dave’s cancer + following his death my sleep was non-existent. So, I am still working hard to recover from all of that deprivation. It’s so hard on the body. This Banana Tea though! Cheap, easy + about as natural as you can get.

You may have heard it said before that banana peel contains the most nutrient-dense part of the fruit. But, who really wants to eat a banana peel? I don’t know, maybe someone out there has a good recipe for ingesting it. If so, please share!

This tea, however, gets you the nutrients without having to chew your way through a peel. I think it is a SPECTACULAR option to be able to sip your way towards a sounder slumber + happier mood. Tea just sounds comforting but then add in the health benefits.

Why is it that bananas help? Potassium + magnesium baby, they are a HUGE help when it comes to equipping your body, and bananas are an amazing natural source for these minerals. The peels also contain tryptophan which naturally produces serotonin + melatonin in our bodies. What?!?

Yep. This may be the cheapest + most natural option for helping you catch some solid wink eye. Let’s not stop there, serotonin is the key hormone that stabilized our moods, it gives us feelings of well-being. Can even boost feelings of happiness! and who doesn’t need a little extra dose of that these days?

Here is the recipe:

• 1 rinsed organic banana*

• cut ends of banana off

• boil 2-3 cups water

• place banana in boiling water

• simmer for 10 minutes

• strain + serve

• can add a sprinkle of cinnamon

• I add a drop of vanilla

• *note: for low glycemic just use peel and omit the fruit.

YUM!
Tell me you don’t have a list of five people that immediately come to mind who could use this Hope tip.

Let me know if you try this + What you think. Cheers to a healthier you!

The Unexpected in Widowhood: Learning to trust.

My mornings are such a mix these days. They range from waking with head pressure, sometimes angst, maybe a song, all the way to out and out enthusiasm. But I am not so far away from the brutal slap of widowed reality + gasp for oxygen mornings, sleepless nights, to forget their sting. They were my unwelcomed morning ritual for, well, far too long to count. I will say they were there long enough, they were consistent enough for me to be able rise and recognize the feeling of freedom without their presence. And today it has brought to me a place of such deep gratefulness.

Today was one of those days. This morning I woke up with words of thanks spouting from my lips. I found myself standing up + speaking out loud from my heart:

“God, I LOVE you. Thank you for that. Thank you for loving me and for helping me to know you. Like really, KNOW you and TRUST you. Thank you for having a plan for my life. A good plan. Thank you for the people you have put around me in my life, to help remind me and to spur me on. Thank you that you are teaching me that I can trust myself .“ SCREECHING HALT…. ummmmm, wait … WHAT did I just claim? And when did that happen?

See, since Dave passed away this sneaky little distrust in myself began to grow. As time continued to separate me from the life I had lived with my husband I found myself questioning more and more of my abilities: my decision-making processes, my feelings, the filters I run info through, my ability to show up. I began to feel this weird weight of scrutiny pressing on me. And I found myself wondering just where did this mental onslaught stem from? Because I was pretty sure a lot of it was in my head.

Through time + much thought, I have come to the conclusion that there were some key voices that spoke into the spaces of my falsely held beliefs.

1- Well-intentioned people questioning my process.

2- The void where his voice once spoke to bring balancing opinions + thoughts.

3- History. All the voices of my past failures magnified by the risk of facing future ones alone.

4- The whispers of the enemy, “You can’t do it.”

The sheer volume of these voices spinning on repeat in my head would hit me at different times throughout the day, although I will say this… I think they were probably on constant replay. I think I was just busy putting every ounce of my subconscious mental energy into drowning them out. However, it took its toll + somewhere between 2-4pm my brain would just want to shut off with my body closely wanting to follow. About that time the nerves would fire up to keep me in motion until bedtime. And throughout the evening and upon rising I would have a spontaneous electrical dance responding to those voices until I stood up to drown them out that following morning. And repeat.

But somehow scattered here and there I found space to sit with Jesus,

even when I didn’t feel like I had a drop of energy to personally show up. My sordid past had already proven His immense love for me + I knew I could trust him to show up even when I couldn’t muster much strength. I just needed a willing heart to try.

And as I started to implement some simple steps with my Being Known time I would find Jesus asking me morning after morning… “I know you don’t trust yourself, but DO YOU TRUST ME?” Yes, Jesus, I do, completely.” And in my journey with him this last year He has shown me SO MUCH about the voices I was tipping my head to, the things that were holding my gaze. It matters much. And with his simple questions + his deep love, my mind has been able to identify some of the faulty wiring + naturally I am beginning to respond out of more of his truth.

In the course of that, I have fallen SO deeply in love with Jesus, right in the thick of my painful process. The very thing that took a swing at me with the intention of taking me out resulted in shifting my position + opening my view to THE ONE who would steady my stance by wrapping his loving arms around me, holding me tightly, looking straight into my eyes, while asking me the question over and over again until I believed it to my very core:

“Kim, do you trust me?”

I do. If ever I trust anything, it is YOU!

My journey is still long. I have much to still discover BUT for today I am so grateful to recognize that although I won’t ever have all the right answers on my own, I do know the ONE who does. And we are tight, like really tight. In fact, he adores me.

This song:

LOVE YOURSELF

by Justin Bieber + modified lyrics by Tanner Townsend, it gets me every single time I listen to it. Close your eyes + wrap the words around your heart and mind.

“For all the times that you feel so alone
And when you don't know where to turn or to go
You think you're too far gone, you've made your last mistake
You think I'm lying test me, kneel down and pray

'Cause Gods got a plan for you
Listen to the spirit there's too many
Different voices, block out all the noises
I'm singing that I know it's true
And if you think you're worthless, I just want to help you know that
You're still good, don't look back

And the Father loves you, and he loves everyone
And I'd invite you to pray through His Son
We get so caught up in our day, we forget to kneel and pray
Yes I know that you are never on your own

If you could see the way He sees your soul
Then maybe you could learn to love yourself
And if you start to hear the still small voice
Then maybe you could go and trust yourself

And if you start to feel that all your hope is lost
Remember Jesus died on Calvary's Cross
He suffered all the pains and hopelessness you'll see
So you can break the chains and start to be free

'Cause Gods got a plan for you
Listen to the spirit there's too many
Different voices, block out all the noises
I'm singing that I know it's true
And if you think you're worthless, I just want to help you know that
You're still good, don't look back

And the Father loves you, and he loves everyone
And I'd invite you to pray through His Son
We get so caught up in our day, we forget to kneel and pray
Yes I know that you are never on your own

If you could see the way He sees your soul
Then maybe you could learn to love yourself
And if you start to hear the still small voice
Then maybe you should go and trust yourself

For all the times that I know, you feel small
Just take His hand, and He will help you stand tall
And if you hold fast to the rod and don't lose sight
Then you can know that it will end up alright

And the Father loves you, and he loves everyone
And I'd invite you to pray through His Son
We get so caught up in our day, we forget to kneel and pray
Yes I know, that you are never on your own

If you could see the way He sees your soul
Then maybe you could learn to love yourself
And if you start to hear the still small voice
Maybe you should learn to love yourself”